The Abused

Working with victims of abuse has always been a fulfilling part of my job as a solicitor. Being able to help victims of abuse escape their abuser and set them on the path to empowered recovery is in itself empowering. I recently had the pleasure of working with a victim of abuse who appeared in the Channel 5 documentary ‘The Abused,’ as we sought to protect her upon her ex-husband’s release from prison.

Many of us still don’t fully recognise patterns of abuse and men especially can fall victim to abuse that they can’t identify. Below is a list of types of abusive behaviours and if you answer yes to some or all of them then you might be in an abusive relationship.

Emotional abuse

• Does your partner belittle or put you down? Often they can suggest to you and other that they are ‘joking’ but it isn’t an isolated joke it’s continual.
• Do they blame you for their actions or for arguments?
• Downplaying their actions suggesting you are ‘ridiculous,’ ‘dramatic,’ ‘mental.’
• Isolate you from family and friends. Perhaps prioritise their family and friends over yours, suggest that your family or friends are ‘boring,’ ‘don’t like them,’ or that your priority should be ‘them’ and not ‘running around after others’.
• Requiring constant attention and punishing you if you are unable to provide it.
• Accuse you or flirting, having affairs, looking for attention from others.
• Controlling money – determining how money is spent, spending money that causes debt or asking you to obtain credit on their behalf or loan them money.
• Threaten to kill or harm themselves.
• Refusing to accept your boundaries or the word ‘no’, harassing you until you do things their way.
• Destroy your things, stand over you or invade your personal space.

Physical abuse

• Slapping, hitting or punching you
• Pushing or shoving you
• Biting or kicking you
• Burn you
• Choke or hold you down
• Throw things at you

Sexual abuse

• Touch you in a way you don’t want to be touched or pressure you into sexual acts
• Make continual or unreasonable demands for sex and dominate you during sex in a way that hurts you

Forcing your partner to have sex when they don’t want to is rape. It isn’t persistence paying off.

How to escape

• In an emergency always call 999
• Contact Leeway 0300 5610 077 or Refuge 0808 2000 247 they may be able to offer you a safe haven
• Call us or email us and ask for advice 01603 666001 or matrimonial@rogers-norton.co.uk. We can help with domestic abuse injunctions, orders with regards to children, divorce and financial orders. We have payment plans and discounted rates to help you. We have helped hundreds of people escape abusive relationships in a way and at a pace that is right for them. We are here to listen, help and support you.